Chronic Pain CAN BE RESOLVED, not just managed.
My story.
The TL;DR version of this post is here.
Read on for the unabridged version.
Hola!
My name is Amanda and I was born and raised in Jujuy, Argentina. Mom is American. Dad was Argentine. I grew up speaking both English and Spanish. Supposedly, the story goes that my first word other than "Mama" was "birdito" (a spanglish mish mash of little bird and its Spanish version: pajarito). Language and words and their meaning were central in our home growing up. Dad used to read dictionaries from cover to cover, "just for fun" and taught English as a second language at the local University and at his private institute. Mom learned Spanish by full-on immersion.
My siblings and I grew up with a deep understanding that words matter. Had you asked me if I thought words had power when I was a kid, or a teen, I would've wondered what the heck you were talking about. I was oblivious to this essential truth for a long time. But in hindsight, I "knew" deep down that the spoken word has power. It has taken me the better part of 4 decades to fully embrace this:
“The true meanings, the root meanings of spoken words and the vibrations they cause in the ether around and inside us, affect our every moment, our every cell, our every thought. We are, for the most part, completely unaware of the far-reaching power of words. But that doesn't mean words don't matter.”
-ACS
Who knew that in my forties I would come into the full blown aha! moment that the spoken word matters in more ways than one! It's not just the meaning of what we say that is so powerful. It is the vibrations, the frequencies of our uttered words that affect us and the world around us and everything in it. It is the intention that imbues each uttered word that fully embodies the power behind them. Much like music affects everything that sound reaches. Much like sunlight affects everything that it touches.
In my teens, as an amateur musician/pianist, it was easy for me to comprehend the power of music. I got a high when I played the piano, when I listened to the great musicians of the past and those performers of my present, who so graciously shared their gift with the rest of the world. Music made me happy. Good music still puts a big smile on my face. I "got" the power of sound in the form of music pretty much right off the bat. I wanted to inhabit it and make that my life. What I didn't "get" at that time was the power of sound in the form of my words. In the form of the words uttered by those around me.
The Day Everything Changed
When I woke up one morning with swollen, painful wrists, and realized I could barely move my hands, I freaked out. It hurt too much to push down the piano keys. I was blindsided. "It hurts", "it's swollen", " I can't...". These words were reinforced over the next 10 years by assorted doctors' words: "she can't", "she should not", "maybe piano playing isn't for you", "the x-rays show arthritic-type degeneration in the carpal bones. Bilaterally", "it's Kienbock's disease", "oh no, avascular necrosis of the scaphoid and lunate bones", "we're probably looking at Juvenile Rheumatoid arthritis here", "you probably need to change majors in college".... etc.
Etc. Etc.
With each proclamation and with each new x-ray, and with each change to accommodate the pain, came more pain and more proclamations. I had made this "thing" my own. And so now I referred to it as "my arthritis", "my wrists have limited range of motion", "I switched majors because of my diagnosis"....
Words have the power to ensnare us or to free us.
-ACS
I did switch majors, from piano performance to music composition. I couldn’t play the piano well enough to perform, but I managed otherwise. The pain began to involve other joints. Along the way and over the years I got help from the western medicine establishment in the form of compassionate physical therapists and one rheumatologist that was willing to try more than one drug. This practitioner hit on one big-pharma darling that helped get the joint pain under control enough for me to get through life each day. But it wasn't enough. Never once was lifestyle or diet discussed in these "health care" settings. Every single encounter with "the health system" left me feeling less-than-adequate and as if "I could do better". And every single encounter took place in 10 minutes or less. There was a whole lot of "fake it till you make it" going on in my 20s and 30s. And thank goodness for that! Adrenaline is a powerful neurotransmitter! Our survival instinct is mind-boggling. That, combined with a sulfa-based medication and a lot of grit and prayer got me through graduate school, where I met my now-husband and the father of our children.
Living in chronic pain, however, is no way to live. It really sucks. The medication got things under control enough that I was able to wean off it just in time to get pregnant with our first. Our second was born 2 years later. Our 2 kids are gifts. What a privilege to be a mom! The fog of early motherhood simply meant more surviving. I was really good at that by now! Joint pain was never truly absent, but it was manageable with over-the-counter medications. I knew deep down this wasn’t wise (liver and kidney health and all that), but I’d deal with it later. I had a job and 2 kids and a home to keep clean, after all. An amazing husband made things so much more doable. But still…
And then my kids’ health adventures commenced. Heavy metal/vaccine-related toxicity, seizures, neuroendocrine disruption, reactive airway disease. This could definitely NOT wait till later. If the chronic pain I’d “managed” didn’t get my attention, my kids’ health certainly did. Something was amiss. We were doing all the things, everything we were told. And yet, they were still sick. What was I missing? I realized that if I wanted a better quality of life for all and to be a functioning human well into old age, I would have to take matters into my own hands.
And so I plodded on. But with open eyes and ears, more open and willing to try new things (because the old wasn’t working). Along the way and over the years I picked up some very primitive know-how in the world of herbal medicines and some much needed clean-living, and toxin-free habits. I became fascinated with essential oils and wild edibles and wild medicinal plants (as it happens, I came by this fascination honestly, as one of my maternal great grandmas and my paternal grandma were savvy herbalists and used these time-tested home remedies constantly). Thus began my journey into the world of alternative health and wellness. I learned how to identify wild medicinal plants on our hikes; I met wonderful women with way more experience than I, who mentored me in all-things herbs and tinctures and salves.
Through my own health adventures and those of my kids I finally embraced the lifestyle changes that were long overdue, and which were bound to help our bodies heal. Heal for real. We cut out all the junk food, ditched the cereal boxes and commercial milk products, embraced our local meat producers, got egg-laying hens, and beefed up our veggie garden. We also cleaned out our medicine cabinet and bathroom closets of all industrially produced medicines and shampoos and soaps. We embraced the sun and natural light and gentle movement and family and friends.
"Acordate del proverbio Chino, Hijita: Si podes hacer algo al respecto, por que te preocupas?
Si no podes hacer nada al respecto, por que te preocupas?"
(Remember the Chinese proverb, Daughter: If you can do something about it, why worry? If you can't do anything about it, why worry?)
- Edwin R. Conta
The Real Turning Point
Then 2020 happened. The covid saga sealed the deal for me. My eyes were opened on a whole new level. As I uncovered the layers of lies and deception we were all being subjected to, I realized there was so much more to learn. So much to unlearn first! And I desired to learn more. I yearned to learn all the amazing things I didn't learn in graduate school. I became aware of an entirely different way of doing things. Truly aware. The veil was parted, and my eyes and heart were opened. I resigned from a job that I loved, a wonderful teaching position at the local medical school. That heart-wrenching decision took well over a year but the freedom that ensued propelled me to go back to school myself. I am almost done with coursework in Traditional Naturopathy, have completed my certification in Applied Quantum Biology and am a Consultant and Instructor-in-training for BRMTUSA, where we use rhythmic movement training to integrate active primitive reflexes - a key root cause of chronic pain, anxiety, ADHD, Autism, vision problems, dyslexia and more.
I went back to school to learn all this so I could help others. I first applied these tools on myself and my family: Herbalism, aromatherapy, heliotherapy, photobiomodulation, hydrotherapy, mitochondrial support, autonomic nervous system support, rhythmic movement training, breathwork.
They work.
Hard stop.
Why aren’t more people using them? Why are we still stuck in the synthetic drugs and surgical interventions hamster wheel, and masking the pain and the fevers in between?
I am continuously amazed at the inherent wisdom of our bodies. As it turns out, many of the habit changes, healthy circadian practices, herbal medicines, and truly life-sustaining habits I was learning and implementing on my own are part of Natural Medicine and correspond to Natural Law principles that we all must abide by in order to be fully whole. As it turns out, healing is not just about the chemistry of the situation (food and detoxing). It is also, and perhaps most importantly, about the energy, the frequencies of the situation. Light and photons, sound and phonons, electrons and protons and the ether that connects it/us all.
What I Learned
What I learned along this long and winding Journey of True Healing is that PAIN isn’t something to fear. It isn’t something to block and numb and avoid at all costs. Pain is a language the body uses to communicate with us. We have the honor and the gift of learning how to speak it to better understand what it is that the body is trying to tell us. What are some of the things our body is trying to communicate through pain?
“Slow down”
“Pause”
“Ease”
“I’m immobilizing you so I can repair and restore - please let me do what I was designed to do. It will be over soon.”
“Yes, I know this is inconvenient for you, but if you just pause now I can do my job quickly and you can get back to doing what you need/want/love.”
“I love you no matter what - even if you didn’t slow down, even if you tried to numb me with that medication, I will still try and heal and repair. Because that’s what I do.”
What if we were to look at chronic pain issues, like joint pain, as a chronic dehydration situation that is exacerbated by active primitive reflexes, instead of the body attacking itself, and "inflammation bad"?
The day I realized the joint pain that had been with me since my teens was due to chronic dehydration and active primitive reflexes, and NOT my body attacking itself, I can honestly say that I was reborn.
The 3 "small" things that radically changed the way I viewed and finally experienced healing are rest, water and light.
What true rest is, what true hydration really entails and how essential light is for life are 3 massive paradigm shifts that shook the foundations of my life and my scientific/academic career.
I want this for everyone out there struggling with chronic pain. We don’t have to settle for “managing it”. We CAN resolve pain. This is why I founded Horaios Wellness, a health coaching and wellness education company. I help people resolve pain, not just manage it.
True Healing is not about manipulating the body into not hurting or not being sick. It's about rediscovering who we really are, what our original, unadulterated HEALTHY & WHOLE design or blueprint really looks like! Then, and only then does the rest follow.
True Healing is about walking into and utterly and totally EMBRACING that original, healthy and whole Design - Reclaiming it as your own.
Like my Grandma used to say: “Bloom where you’re planted, Sweetheart.”
"The true gift of healing is WHO you become, not just the results you get."
Cassie Huckabe, ND
Workshopping our Language for Pain Resolution
I only stopped referring to the wrist diagnosis as "my own" in the last few years. But the long journey to today, to that point where I said "ENOUGH", is what gives me the power and the authority to stand my ground, firmly, and to change what I say, to change how I say it and to charge it with the life and the power that it deserves: "THIS IS NOT HOW I TURNED OUT", "I AM WORTHY", 'MY BODY IS NOT OUT TO GET ME, MY BODY IS AMAZING", "MY BODY ONLY KNOWS HEALING AND I AM ABLE AND CAPABLE TO HELP MY BODY EMBRACE THAT STATE OF HEALING". "I CAN". "I AM".
I invite you to try these words on for size. Make them your own. Whatever the healing crisis you’re in (chronic pain, anxiety, hormone imbalances, heart disease, gut issues, etc.). What words is your body hearing? What thoughts are your cells “hearing”?
Words matter.
It’s not just about repeating a mantra or finding your affirmation. Of course there’s method to this. But we’ve lost the forest for the trees when we absentmindedly repeat something in hopes something will happen.
“Energy follows Intention.”
Intention matters.
We really do create or own reality.
"Change is the end result of all true learning"
- Leo Buscaglia
And so…
And so here I am. What happened to your wrists, Amanda (you ask)? My wrists are AMAZING. They are no longer swollen or painful. And the previously fused carpal bones are slowly moving more and more with each passing day.
Once upon a time I couldn't do a proper downward dog in yoga. Now, fists-for-wrists downward dog is slowly being replaced with the real downward dog (open palms on the ground). A few seconds longer each time.
I was able to complete a PhD dissertation in graduate school with experiments that required me to perform spinal surgery on rodents. Those fine motor skills never went away.
I can run up the stairs now!
I am off all pain meds and have been for 4 years now. I feel better now, at 50, than I did in my 20s and 30s. Every time I have an episode of intense pain (what I now know to be a beautiful healing crisis) I hunker down and remind myself of the importance of "less is more", I support my hydrated fascia and I make it a point to get even more natural sunlight into my day. Incidentally, those episodes are fewer and farther in between.
I still play the piano. My son has taken up piano playing too. He is better than I am now.
I am learning how to shoot bow and arrow with my daughter.
We hike and row and ski and enjoy life as a family and with friends.
I can hoist bales of straw and bags of pine shavings and do what needs to be done for our happy chickens. Although I still ask my husband for help with the 40lb bags of chicken feed, I am finally pain-free for the first time in decades and have resumed strength training.
With time and intention and determination, natural law principles took center stage again, my body in it's all-encompassing wisdom is healed and I have the honor and privilege of walking into what this healing truly looks like.
In fact, healing is our default state. I just remembered how to get back there.
"It's not as painful to (re)learn something, if you do it incrementally"
- Yo-Yo Ma
In short: I did not remain in the diagnosis. I stopped embracing it. I ditched the crutch that the diagnosis had become. I chose to step into the fullness of life that was intended for me. I am healed. I am whole and I am pain-free.
And I am forever grateful.
thank you for reading,
Amanda
PS: If you’ like to remember how to get back to your default, pain-free state and incorporate tools into your life that will truly support you on this amazing journey of true healing (not just mask and numb and bury the pain and all the other symptoms you’re living with), feel free to book a complimentary discovery call so we can chat.
Wow! Amazing story, Amanda!